DIARY

OCTOBER 31st / 11:21PM

feeling: a wee bit tired
drinking: water. how sexy of me
listening to: ice spice. ignore me

IF IT SUCKS, HIT DA BRICKS!! is what i have learned this dear semester. i couldnt finish my project so you know what im doing? WITHDRAWIN FROM THE CLASS YIPEE!

i feel bad but at the same time, now i have a billion things going on and its okay. its okay to realize you cant do something and LEAVE!!! i had so much anxiety that my stress started messing up my face like?not STEM making me ugly! so i am #WITHDRAWN and feeling GOOD abt it.

now in other news i FINALLYYY finished painting my desk!

YIPEE

im now painting a dresser to match but im noticing it needed to be sanded down WAAAY more than my desk needed to. its painted white already unlike the desk wood that seemed to just be tinted blue. but meh! you live and you learn.

now i can put all my figmas and books somewhere nice im so happy :] also with all this DIY type stuff im doing, im thinking on making a page for thrift finds maybe? clothes mostly but stuff i flip or find cool too.

WEH WEH ITS GETTING LONG SO HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND HOPE YOU HAVE A BLESSED NOVEMBER!

OCTOBER 15th / 2:38PM

feeling: GROGGY
drinking: milo
listening to: silence, my head hort

SOOO. 1. im still working on that project for school, ive barely even started LOLLLLL and 2. guess who finally got anxiety meds. THIS GIRL!! i took my first dose last night and they put me to sleep immedjiately . was knocked out for at least 10 hrs, going on 12.

im so excited bc theyre also weight gainers/appetite stimulants 😈 gonna live my thick girl dreams soon YUP.. im honestly quie hungry so let me go get breakfast LOL

hoping these work for my focus since im prolly not getting an ADHD diagnosis anytime soon 💗 anyway TOODLES!!

OCTOBER 7th / 2:33AM

feeling: a bit depressed ngl..
drinking: CEREAL MILK .
listening to: 2015 hip hop playlists

this is my first Vent Blog Post i guess but i am feeling.. bad?! like i felt bad all yesterday i just felt a lil shy abt posting again so soon lol, but like. whatever! anyway, a few of my mutuals have admitted to feeling lonely lately and its made me feel a bit better that im not the only lonely mf ever. i guess thats just what being in your 20s is like LOL

but today i got rly upset bc i noticed like... i dont have anyone to share my current hyperfixation (ocs) with! then i spiralled thinking about how Neurotypical People dont have fixations and how hard itll be to get a boyfriend who understands or cares, if i ever get one at all.... 😥 UGH

i was also really looking forward to therapy yesterday, but my therapist cancelled 12 hrs before it because she had a family emergency. ive been so unfocused all week and was going to finally ask her about meds...

OH and today marks 1 week back on social media! i think i need another break to be quite honest ❤ maybe thats why i feel so. crazy . i dont. know! i just wanna feel okay. or not like im screaming inside for someone to Care about me. i truly dont know what it is. 😕

errrmmm gn and sweet dreams ?! 😓

OCTOBER 5th / 4:54PM

feeling: tired, girl
drinking: sierra misst
listening to: flo milli lols

STILL PAINTING THAT DESK AND NOW IM TIRED. im still only on the hutch since it needs time to chill in between layers, and i was busy doing other things. genuinely should be done by the end of the week hehe and im excited!

sneaky peeky?

what im NOT excited for is this computing systems project i havent started yet thats due in two weeks-ish.. UGH all a girlie does these days is algorithms and programming and more algorithms!! i need a VACATION away from my laptop!!

OCTOBER 2nd / 7:06PM

feeling: STRESSED
drinking: peanut punch :)
listening to: the air, mostly

So. im finally painting my desk i said id paint in august LMFAOOOO and its coming out... a way ❤ i think the colors aren't bright enough. but! it doesnt matter. its still a project and im having fun! :] throwing out my old desk that literally fits one laptop and a drink and now i got a HUTCH and SHELVES and can finally plug in my lava lamp !!

if i hate it i can just paint another desk next year!!

ALSO my local grocery was out of.. everything... so i had to go to two stores 😭 at the very least i got a candy to eat as a reward for finishing homework later but jeez !! i wanted tacos...