MAY 21st / 3:17PM

hey its me! that sad bitch again ∠ ( ᐛ 」∠ )＿

i kinda stopped looking for jobs bc i may be moving soon. which is a whole nother can of worms thats been making me depressed bc were not moving bc we want to. or anything weve done. but bc our landlord wont fix anything in our house ❤ landlords vs doing the job they are paid for every fucking month amirite ❤

so we will Probably be moving in the next month or so. i love the house were in + my neighborhood + even my Neighbors. literally the only thing thats wrong is our landlord lol.

im so stressed trying to think on where we'll move next. im holding onto the hope that everytime weve ever had to move, its ALWAYS been the landlords fault. and weve ALWAYS moved somewhere nicer than the last. but im still stressed. i dont want to be.

then i decided to look for jobs again last night just out of feeling unproductive. (not like anyones actually gonna hire me yk LOL) but then it seeped into my dreams. and i had the most depressing dream ive had in a long time.

the dream had: me in highschool, remembering how everyone else since then has graduated etc, how ive accomplished nothing, how i used to have friends i could talk to everyday, AND my mom invalidating my adhd for whatever reason. OH AND A SURPRISE GUEST OF MY EX WHO WAS MURDERED THREE YEARS AGO. like omfg im tryna keep it together and that's what my brain wants to conjure up ?!

then on top of this (yes theres more bc ofc why not), i remembered i cant go to the con this month, that i planned to go to all these months. bc im unemployed.. and broke. and on the cusp of moving/homelessness. all my friends are going, but ill be at home.. watching them. and i think that just broke me tbh.

sorry for such a long entry today. i needed to get it all out. im on a break from twit/fb so i dont blow my brains out fr LOL

um... thats all. ig. all i can do is go draw my ocs and cope 👍 🏾 its embarrassing atp but i might as well sign off like i usually do: hope ur having a better day than me lol. goodbye

MAY 9TH / 2:24PM

DAY 9. THE ONLY PERSON WHOS WANTED AN INTERVIEW W ME WAS SOME STUPID FUCKING 'ENTREPRENEUR' MARKETING PLACE!!!!! AND INDEED EMAILED ME ABT SOMEWHERE ELSE DOING QUICK HIRES BUT GUESS WHAT IT WAS. FOOD SERVICE. I AM NOT KILLING MYSELF FLIPPING BURGERS FOR $2 AN HR I AM DISAABLEEDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats it. thats my very short job related rant of the day, i will make myself some breakfast before i burst into tears, then go apply to more jobs. all i can do. (except kill myself i guess but it isnt that bad.. yet!) signing off etc etc

MAY 5TH / 3:54PM

DAY 5 OF LOOKING FOR JOBS LIKE AN INSANE WOMAN... I HOPE ALL EMPLOYERS BLOW UP AND EXPLODE IMMEDIATELY.

i see a job that id only have to be there for 4-5 hrs a day, and only maybe 4 shifts a week, but my god i am disabled !! i think itd be ok for me tho... or at least i hope LOL. im gonna need some good shoes so i dont die and a billion soft inserts (i will pass away anyway. but i need money)

also thinking abt applying to gamestop since they can sit. bout to do a lot of research on games so i can get that mf job. yes i loveee video games im a gamer girl i have a ps6 actually

ALSO THE JOB I TALKED ABT A FEW DAYS AGO. THEY EMAILED ME.... AGAIN... JUST TO TELL ME I DIDNT GET THE JOB.........?

NO SHIT SHERLOCK YOU CANCELLED MY INTERVIEW 3 DAYS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KYS NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

MAY 2ND / 2:54PM

april showers bring may flowers.. BUT ALL IT'S GIVING ME IS A MAY HEADACHE AND IM FEELING MURDEROUS.

im making this journal only bc i need somewhere to bitch about job searching. IVE BEEN LOOKING SINCE JANUARY! yesterday i applied to a job id do REALLY well at, even went the extra mile and did some test that was optional. they offered an interview right before i went to bed, then when i woke up i saw they rejected me 🙂

i expected by now id have a job. so i absolutely cant go to momocon next month w/o draining the rest of my savings LOL. i just wanted to go somewhere nice. I HAVE NOT BEEN ON VACATION OR HAD ANYTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO SINCE THE PANDEMIC STARTED IN FUCKING FEB 2020!!!!!

whatever. whatever. WHATEVER!!! i need to go do some commissions and apply to more jobs that will reject me and cry. hope y'all will have a better day week month year than i am having ❤