KAM LORE.. OOOO...
me mf who else
Chapter 1: Nobody
nobody, nobody, noooobody, nobody,
just a deeper look into kam's character through an argument, but it will get a bit into deuce's character in chapter two 👍 🏾
"Ian! Freeze! Freeze! Get rid of the flare!"
Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park ran past the dinosaur towards some outhouse to hide in. Deuce could never remember what his character's name was on screen. Malik, maybe?
"The t-rex is running after his ass now. Prolly gonna eat him. Just.. like.. thiiis.." Leaning in from behind, he playfully bit the upper part of his partner's ear. Surprisingly, to no reaction. "Ka'meisha?"
"Huh? Oh, mm, I'm sorry." She unconsciously tucked a strand of her coily pink hair behind her ear, as if she didn't even feel the bite. "Yeah?"
"You good? I'm tryna describe the movie to you, but you not hearin' me."
She switched from laying on her left side to her right, making the couch squeak as she shifted. There were those beautiful brown eyes he loved to see. "Sorry, baby. I was watching the movie but then got sidetracked, there's just, a lot of stuff on my mind right now..."
"Talk to me." His hand drifted down her arm to her hand, interlocking their fingers together tightly.
"You gotta promise to not get mad." He could feel a pit forming in the middle of his stomach. "I just wanna talk about some things that have just.. I don't know, changed me? That are important to me. How I've been feeling..", she said, snuggling up to him. "If that's okay."
"Yeah.", he said with a touch of hesitation. "Go ahead."
She sighed for a moment, eyes wandering across the ceiling as if there was a map up there that told her where to start. "Okay, so. Back when I, uh, just graduated high school, like 19, I dated someone, and I put a lot of myself into that relationship. Way too much. Because of therapy, I'm realizing it's still.. affecting me? In a lot of ways."
She could feel a warm breeze blow up against her cheek, meaning Deuce was still looking directly at her. Even though she couldn't see it for herself, he wanted to still give her his full attention. Instead of beating around the bush, she decided to drop the bomb early in the conversation.
"Well, to just start at the beginning, th- she was, uh.. deaf."
With anxiety nipping at her heels, she continued.
"We'd known each other a long time before we dated, so I knew a bit of sign language so we could communicate. I always made sure I, y'know, said things clearly so she could read my lips. I did whatever I could to make it work." Twirling a loc of hair around her finger, she released it letting it spring into a corkscrew curl. "But as soon as I started losing my sight, she left."
"This was right before I lost my sight, I went from 20/20 to using a cane in what felt like a month. I know it was probably longer than that,", Ka'meisha choked, her voice cracking, "but that was such a.. low, low point in my life, I can't remember it at all." Deuce rubbed his thumb over hers to soothe her. "She just left. I know it was because I couldn't do the things I used to do for her.. I couldn't protect her like I used to. It wasn't always sunshine and roses dating each other, because, like, there's some hateful people in the world. So, I get it, I guess, but it still hurt. I thought we would fight against the world together. It made me feel so alone at a time when I needed someone. And that—it still—I'm realizing it just.. has colored a lot of what I did after. Even now. Y'know?"
Deuce has always been a man of little words, but the silence felt so loud, so domineering. The gears started to turn in his head, going through possible ways to address all that was said.
"So, what do you—" he shifted, "I just don't think I understand."
She blinked. "What don't you get?"
"I'm tryna.. understand. Is she the only woman you've dated?"
Fidgeting, she replied, "No. I've dated a lot of women in the past."
She could feel Deuce raising himself up in a sitting position. Something about it she didn't like. "Are you saying you got your heart broke, and I'm, what, you trying something new?" She tried defending herself, sputtering, "I just— No. No, I didn't mean it like that. You know I didn't mean it l—" He cut her off, feeling more and more uneasy.
"Am I just a phase for you?"
The words hit her like a ton of bricks. This wasn't the first time Deuce had seen her upset, but definitely the first time she'd been irate, especially at him. "Fucking really?"
"Baby, how else am I supposed to take it?", he roared.
Exasperated, she massaged the bridge of her nose. "I just wanted you to know about the people I've dated before you, that I've dated women!"
"Ka'meisha, if it's in the past, then that don't matter to me."
"But it matters to me! I want you to know me, the real me. All of me! Does that not matter to you?"
Deuce exhaled sharply, the kind that Kam knew meant that he was getting agitated. "Don't try to turn this on me."
"You're the one getting mad at me, for, what, having old relationships? Not being with men? Opening up to you? What is it?"
"No, I'm mad because you tellin' me not to be mad, then you're tellin' me 'bout this girl you who it sounds like you're still in love with like I'm not right here be-fucking-sides you. You been gay all this time, now you trying me because it ain't work out?" Exhaling again, he continued, "Tell me how I'm supposed to take that, Ka'meisha. I'm putting two and two together and shit ain't adding up."
"I never said—I mean— God. Listen to me. I'm still gay, but I'm just— bi! I've dated both men and women. Me dating women in the past takes nothing away from how I feel about you!"
"Bi, bisexual. Both sexual, I like both sexes. And I don't love her, not anymore." She had half a mind to gently place her hand on top of his, waiting to see if it'd be reciprocated. But she knew he wouldn't be receptive to it, not right now. "I love you, present tense. That relationship changed me, but you're not my rebound. I was fine not dating for a long time. I didn't fall for you just because it was the "easy and effortless" thing to do because it's— it's.. not always."
She realized how that sounded and immediately corrected herself. "And before you take that outta context, our relationship isn't hard because of you. It's because of everyone else.", she stated softly. "When I dated women, I had to deal with random niggas on the street just yelling shit at us. You know how scary that is? Grown ass men, yelling at young girls. Then multiply that by 10 when you can't see who's yelling slurs at you. I can't protect myself anymore, much less someone else. And even with you, I'm.. I'm scared." A hot tear rolled down her cheek, getting wiped away just in time by Deuce's rough thumb. "I'm scared every time someone mistakes us for two men, and I just pray they don't make it our problem."
"I can't be with anyone, but I also can't go anywhere by myself. I can't do anything I used to do anymore, and it just gets worse every day I wake up, and I'm scared that I'm just a fucking burden to everyone I know and love. That's what's been on my mind. Not my ex. That I am just so fucking unlovable no matter how small I make myself."